If you look at this diagram above you’ll notice that:
On the LEFT side we have PROFESSIONAL and CAREER purposes. Things like:
- Designing & building products and services
- Marketing
- Selling
- Accounting
- Leading
- Managing
And on the RIGHT side we have our PERSONAL PURPOSES. Things like:
- Family
- Friends
- Fitness
- Spirituality
- Fun
What happens is that when we go to…
…execute the strategies and tactics on the professional side, we end up breaking our ability to execute the strategies and tactics required to,
live a good and dignified life
on the right side where our personal strategies and tactics reside.
Or, even worse, when we go to execute the strategies and tactics on the right side, where our personal purposes lie,
we break our ability to execute the strategies and tactics on the left side, which support our professional and career purposes
I say this is worse because failing to care for the personal things on the right side will produce misery and disrespect.
But failing to handle the professional purposes on the left side,
will cause us and those around us to suffer and die early because,
it is on the left side that we produce the money we as humans require to survive.
You see, we’re all taught to launch straight into our…
…careers, often mistaking them for our purpose or our passion, both topics you’ll soon master in the coming months.
But what inevitably happens is that our careers fail to generate and sustain,
the time, energy, creativity, and currency we need to care for everything we were truly created to care for,
because our careers were not designed to specifically care for the dozen-plus parts of life that either create or destroy our ability to live a good life.
Now. I want you to pause and think about what fundamentally would prevent someone from being able to take care of both sides at the same time?
Intention & Power
The first thing to understand is that most people never had the intention to create harmony between both sides.
Sure, they might have had the desire, but there was no true intention,
and we know this because there was no real design behind it.
And we know that there was no real design because that would have required intimate knowledge of the dozen-plus fundamental parts of a human’s personal life and the practices required to care for them.
What I’m saying is that their professional purposes couldn’t have been designed to care for their personal purposes,
any more than their personal purposes were designed to care for their professional purposes,
because they didn’t start by producing and maintaining a constant state of awareness of the impacts, parts, and practices of either.
It’d be like designing and building a bridge without knowing the load it needs to bear or the conditions it will face.
Without understanding the demands and dynamics of both sides,
it’s not only impossible to create a structure that can support and harmonize them,
it’s foolish, unprofessional, and dangerous.
It is this lack of intention that prevents and continuously erodes the power (time, energy, creativity, and currency) we need to care for both sides.
So. If you are not winning the war between the requirement to produce the large sums of money needed to survive, thrive, and lead
AND holding the responsibility to care for your relationships with your body, family, friends, fun, adventure, others in need, and your God,
it’s simply because you are just too weak.
And what do we do when we are too weak to do something?
We workout and train to get stronger, faster, and smarter,
and in a few minutes I’ll show you how to do this specifically to get stronger, faster, and smarter in the exact capabilities that,
your unique set of passions and life purposes require.
The High Stakes Pivot
As we continue this journey together you’ll notice that I also refer to this part of our strategy as “The High Stakes Pivot” and here’s why.
I refer to this as the high stakes pivot because if you don’t make this pivot you’ll not be able to,
live out your passion or fulfill the purposes for which you were created because you’ll be in a constant state of busy breakdown. More on that later.
And. You’ll fail to generate enough money to survive and live in dignity now and during the 30+ years of old age when you can no longer work.
I also call it the High Stakes Pivot because often, when ambitious people confront the reality of their situation,
they find that they’ll need to redesign, reconstruct, or replace their careers.
And if that’s not done correctly, it can be very difficult and dangerous.
And what I mean by dangerous is that if you do it wrong, instead of building from what you’ve already created,
you’ll lose it.
So what I’m saying here is that the stakes are very high.
But the good news is that choosing between the two sides of our lives no longer works in our current environment.
And what that means is that it’s time to start playing by a new set of rules anyways.
Strategic Writing
When we write, we expand our understanding in ways that produce new thinking—thinking that leads to more powerful distinctions, which allow us to better identify and fulfill the purposes for which we were created.
1: Describe a time when going “Career First” inhibited your ability to care for your personal life.
2: In your own words, describe why sacrificing “Career” objectives is more dangerous than sacrificing parts of your personal life.
3: Explain how no longer treating these two things as separate parts will positively impact your life as well as the lives of those you love and lead.
1: Describe a time when going “Career First” inhibited your ability to care for your personal life.
In my second, well chosen and excellent career I was very happy, successful and well paid but I discovered the time commitment was so great that I had no time or energy left to build my dream businesses
2: In your own words, describe why sacrificing “Career” objectives is more dangerous than sacrificing parts of your personal life.
Losing all career success would have left me with little knowledge or $ to care for family needs …I needed it at some level because it was the only path I knew
3: Explain how no longer treating these two things as separate parts will positively impact your life as well as the lives of those you love and lead.
I can learn to keep improving my skills to balance and better harmonize both sides and benefit the career goals and needs with my better sense of timing and better abilities to more clearly define and better deliver real and higher value always. Get some!!
1: Describe a time when going “Career First” inhibited your ability to care for your personal life.
Career has been service to others and much sacrifice of time I could have used well to make & and care for myself and family or just to enjoy more together
2: In your own words, describe why sacrificing “Career” objectives is more dangerous than sacrificing parts of your personal life.
Career is important and service to others is a life passion and need
I’m finding the way to serve others AND make huge sums as needed
Without career service passions I can not work as hard and smart as I need to
3: Explain how no longer treating these two things as separate parts will positively impact your life as well as the lives of those you love and lead.
No longer treating them as separate is both unleashing and refocusing my passion to achieve clearly stated life missions and more and more quickly
1: Describe a time when going “Career First” inhibited your ability to care for your personal life.
I concentrated so much on my professional life, that there was almost no time and energy for my personal life. I realize that instead of bulding my true personal life, I tried to replace it by “not saying NO” and being kind to everyone, including people they didn’t deserve it, waiting that these people will be kind to me as well – it never happend.
2: In your own words, describe why sacrificing “Career” objectives is more dangerous than sacrificing parts of your personal life.
If I sacrifice parts of my personal life, I still have a capacity to care for myself, even including building of my personal life. But if I sacrifice “Career” objectives, my personal life is functional only temporary and it can be destroyed very fast and easy – there is almost no capacity to react if something unexpected happens. It doesn’t mean to concentrate just on the career, it means don’t forget to care about it.
3: Explain how no longer treating these two things as separate parts will positively impact your life as well as the lives of those you love and lead.
I have more energy, time, creativity and currency to care for both of them, and I enjoy my life more, instead of stressfull way of thinking like “I’m at work now, but I would rather spend time with my friends./I’m hanging out with my friends, but I would have to study.” It is better to live by this way: “I’m at work with my friends and we have fun together, and tomorrow I will be at home, enjoy a cup of coffee and study.” Which means to have a rest, but also to improve my ability to care for my professional/financial concerns, of course. People around me start to realize my energy, good mood etc., and they start to ask how to do it – maybe not by words, but by their deeds, decissions, way of thinking etc. – they start to do similar things like me.
I heard a former CEO of Circuit City speak about his religious schedule of 5:30am-7:30pm daily schedule snd the cut-throat competition that the steal of a P&L required of him to maintain it. I think it was mostly a polished speech, but it did delineate the expectations that people in senior leadership sign up for in order to lead at the top. There are hundreds of folks below that level willing to take the hours on for that top spot and the rewards that come with it. Unfortunately, the tradeoff is rarely worth it, but those who fall into it wear it as a badge of honor as a requirement to earn their way into the club.
*1. Describe a time when going “Career First” inhibited your ability to care for your personal life.*
In my twenties and early thirties I pursued a career in academia, ministry, and non-profit work. I worked long hours because I believed that was what was required to do excellent work and neglected time with friends, family, my wife, and early years with my children. I also neglected my health and fitness in order to make more time for work. Additionally, because of the type of work I was pursuing I had no savings, no retirement income accruing, and very little time, energy, creativity, or currency to invest in the present or future of my family.
*2. In your own words, describe why sacrificing “Career” objectives is more dangerous than sacrificing parts of your personal life.*
The money required to survive comes from the “career” side of the equation, and without that we cannot survive. Failing to care for the personal side of life will break in all kinds of ways but we can still survive even if we’re living a miserable existence. The times I’ve been out of work for months have clarified how this impacts the personal side in a profound way.
*3. Explain how no longer treating these two things as separate parts will positively impact your life as well as the lives of those you love and lead.*
Integrating the “sides” of my life has a huge impact on both because the choices I make in one area have a ripple effect in other areas. So improving one area can positively impact other areas rather than being a choice “between” the sides. For example, doing work that increases my time, energy, creativity, and currency gives me more power to use to care for my personal life, family, friends, etc. and doing things in my personal life like exercising, eating well, and making sure my family is doing well can increase the time, energy, creativity, and currency I have to invest in my career as well. Being intentional about caring for both sides in a way that progressing in one doesn’t break the other means that I am gaining power rather than exhausting it.
1: Describe a time when going “Career First” inhibited your ability to care for your personal life.
– The relationships with family and friends have always been important to me. During my “Career First” phase, I only focused on business related relationships and this didn’t allow me for healthy personal connections that needed attention. I also realized the very “needed” connection was replaced with substances and experiences that didn’t care for me in the long run.
2: In your own words, describe why sacrificing “Career” objectives is more dangerous than sacrificing parts of your personal life.
– If you have “personal” objectives handled and not career, you wont be able to afford your lifestyle throughout all phases of life.. You’ll be left to great relationships without any money. This means you’re headed into the a phase of life not being able to make the decisions on what’s important related to money. If you’re lucky enough you’ll be reduced to a “Parent-Tax” and not able to fully make your own decisions .
3: Explain how no longer treating these two things as separate parts will positively impact your life as well as the lives of those you love and lead.
– Being able to balance these is extremely important. Having financial support to care for your parts of life is just as important as your parts of life itself.
1: Describe a time when going “Career First” inhibited your ability to care for your personal life.
– I ended up gaining 60lbs, getting an MBA, working full-time at a large pharma company, and running a commercial cleaning business on the weekends. I was diagnosed with Metabolic Syndrome and high blood pressure. Before that, I was ripped and captain of my swim team in college. I am back to that state now and maybe even in better shape but, the lesson learned was that I sacrificed myself to achieve a professional goal and paid a very high price.
2: In your own words, describe why sacrificing “Career” objectives is more dangerous than sacrificing parts of your personal life.
– Money is energy, and when you lack that energy, things suffer. If you take it to the extreme it can lead to death.
3: Explain how no longer treating these two things as separate parts will positively impact your life as well as the lives of those you love and lead.
– A friend of mine is a family physician, and he says it is very rare to find a family where their wealth, health, and family unit are all in harmony. Typically, you see extremes like they have wealth but have sacrificed their health or family to achieve that objective. Whenever an opportunity arises, no matter how great, I try to understand the implications in my personal life and how that will impact my family. I also recently lost my father and my wife’s dad, who I was close to, and it provided a lot of clarity in terms of validating what is essential. Said another way, I know how I want to die in terms of what I will leave behind for my kids and, more importantly, ‘in my kids.’ Death provides tremendous clarity.
1: Describe a time when going “Career First” inhibited your ability to care for your personal life.
It was without a doubt unhealthy, unfocused, lacking in a feeling of accomplishment and value.
2: In your own words, describe why sacrificing “Career” objectives is more dangerous than sacrificing parts of your personal life.
A lack of career objectives reduces financial savings, which disallows for an ongoing healthy life and retirement.
3: Explain how no longer treating these two things as separate parts will positively impact your life as well as the lives of those you love and lead.
With the positive aspects of both business and personal life excelling, the impacts will benefit both in ways that neither could ever achieve solely.
1: Describe a time when going “Career First” inhibited your ability to care for your personal life.
Most of my previous career I was focused on the job before everything else. I was working 12 and 14 hours days consistently, and even when I was “off” I was still there mentally. I was compensated o.k., but not inline with what my true financial needs are, and was giving up every part of me to do it. I would drink too much after work, I was grumpy and grouchy with family and friends. I lost a lot of acquaintances, which is not all bad, because of this focus. It allowed the family to save for rainy days, but at the cost of my relationship with my family and the time I spent. I am rebuilding the relationship with my daughter and my wife slowly, though with different struggles now.
2: In your own words, describe why sacrificing “Career” objectives is more dangerous than sacrificing parts of your personal life.
On this side of the coin, I am making even less to support my true financial needs, and while there is more time with the family, it is becoming more stressful and fraught with worry as the plan we are putting into place is a multi-year plan with a lot of things that need to fall in line. I am also hesitating and don’t know why, which is putting undue stress on the family and the process. I am starting to fall into those old habits. At the end of this path there is a road to more alignment with our financial needs, and having time for the relationships, but without the dough we can’t have the bread.
3: Explain how no longer treating these two things as separate parts will positively impact your life as well as the lives of those you love and lead.
I think that keeping both parts integrated will allow for course corrections easier and ultimately reduce some unnecessary stress. It will also force hard conversations and honest evaluation to ensure that the path forward is truly that of the life I want, and not what sounds good at the time. Since there are other people involved, keeping in mind how I want to be present in those relationships will also guide a lot of the decisions and should maintain, if not increase the urgency of my actions.
1: Describe a time when going “Career First” inhibited your ability to care for your personal life.
I was finally in a career that was truly fulfilling and allowed me to utilize my greatest talents and skills. I was at the forefront of launching a new training initiative for my company. I traveled the country training and developing our sales teams. I worked one-on-one with individual team members as well as creating dynamic training seminars in group settings at our regional meetings. I was on the road at least three out of four weeks a month. I gained so much respect for the interpersonal relationships and momentum I developed at work. But pouring this much into my career created distance and drama at home. I was left feeling like my only decision was to choose one or the other. I left that job to pour myself into my family, which was struggling at the time.
2: In your own words, describe why sacrificing “Career” objectives is more dangerous than sacrificing parts of your personal life.
By making this career sacrifice at the time, I’ve been struggling ever since to get my momentum – and my finances – back on solid ground. Although I have been there for my family, I’ve not gotten my personal respect back as a “producer.” The same people that I’ve been there for – I feel – look on me more with pity than pride as I struggle to get my financial bearings back in order, yet at the same time still want me to be available to them at all times. This is where my balance always gets out of whack – wanting to give 100% at everything that I do … but not having the ability to give 100% to all parts of my life at all times. I do suffer from a perfectionist mentality as well. If I’m going to do something, I want it to be at my optimal level. What I’ve learned is that I cannot be there for my family at my fullest and truest self when I am constantly in survival mode on the career end/financially.
3: Explain how no longer treating these two things as separate parts will positively impact your life as well as the lives of those you love and lead.
I love being great at what I do! Right now – I don’t feel “good” at anything because of feeling pulled in too many directions at the same time. By no longer treating the career and family parts of my life as separate – I will gain my momentum back. I will grow and create and provide financially again in my career and earn respect for my talents and gifts that I get to share with those with whom I work. I will also gain respect from my family, and they will get to see a happier and more revitalized version of myself again. One of the saddest things ever said to me was from my niece – “I don’t see you smile anymore.” My heart and life became so overwhelmed with needing to be the most responsible person for my family, to pick up the pieces for everyone in their time of need, that I completely shut out having a social life or any kind of fun for myself, thinking if I let my guard down, something devastating would happen again because I took my eye off the ball. I’ve already begun my journey past this … I do smile again! And my niece has confirmed that. I have a journey ahead of me yet in figuring out how to work on all of the parts of my life. Balance especially between career and family – my actions toward success and fulfillment in both areas supporting each other.
Really good insights here Shirley…
When you think of “Being there” for your family give some thought as to what that actually means. Perhaps “Being There” is “Being” the kind of person who can harmonize and care for all parts of your professional, financial and personal purposes. Of course no part can get 100% because you only have 100% to give. What if being there was setting the example? Showing those we love that there must be a harmony to life?
I love this – thank you!
1: Describe a time when going “Career First” inhibited your ability to care for your personal life.
There was a season in my life when I was all-in on the career side of being a chiropractic doctor and med-legal consultant. I had the goals, I had the grind, the license, the board certifications and I had the calendar to prove it. I’d leave early, stay late, push through weekends—and on paper, it began to look impressive. But slowly, the cost began to show up in places that didn’t keep spreadsheets.
My wife was a SAHM and our four daughters saw less of me, and fortunately my health never took a back seat. Spiritual practice? Only when convenient. And my friendships… well, let’s just say I started treating people like appointments instead of relationships.
I told myself I was building a solid single family income, a sacrifice of sorts and something that would someday give me the freedom to enjoy those parts of life. But here’s the irony: by neglecting them, I was losing the very strength—emotional, relational, and even spiritual—that would allow me to enjoy any success down the road. I was producing profits at the cost of purpose, and calling that a win… and it wasn’t.
2: In your own words, describe why sacrificing “Career” objectives is more dangerous than sacrificing parts of your personal life.
That’s a tough one, because both sacrifices are costly. But here’s the hard truth: when you sacrifice your personal life, you damage the soul. But when you sacrifice your career, you damage the system that keeps the soul alive.
See, you can mend a broken relationship, rebuild your health, or renew your spiritual strength—but only if you’re still in the game. If you fail to produce the money, time, and energy needed to survive and thrive—especially in the second half of life—you’re not just making things harder; you’re putting your very dignity at risk.
Career isn’t just about ambition—it’s about infrastructure. It’s how we generate the resources to live well and give well. If we sabotage that side, even unintentionally, we’ll eventually find ourselves asking others to help fund or carry the weight of a life we didn’t design well enough to sustain. And that is not a legacy I’m willing to leave.
3: Explain how no longer treating these two things as separate parts will positively impact your life as well as the lives of those you love and lead.
The moment I stopped treating career and life as separate, everything began to change.
I stopped asking, “What do I want to achieve?” and started asking, “What kind of life do I want to design—and what kind of career would serve that design?” That shift was profound. It allowed me to measure opportunities not just by how much they paid, but by how much they harmonized.
And here’s the ripple effect: My family stopped feeling like a side project. Vibrant health became a core strategy, not a resolution. My faith found its way back onto my calendar—not because I had time, but because I finally had clarity to the meaning of miraculous food, spiritual milk, and living bread.
And for those I lead? They no longer saw a burned-out example of false success. They saw alignment. They saw someone who didn’t just preach integration, but who practices it.
Because when your life and your career stop fighting each other, everything you build becomes stronger—and so does everyone around you.
1: Describe a time when going “Career First” inhibited your ability to care for your personal life.
I was leading a nonprofit with my late wife, which seemed like a great opportunity to combine professional and personal. But it instead led to a toxic blurring of lines between the two where we lost our way as a couple outside the organization we founded, mainly because of the overemphasis we placed on the success of the org.
2: In your own words, describe why sacrificing “Career” objectives is more dangerous than sacrificing parts of your personal life.
My perspective as a retiree on pension is a little different as so many of my financial needs are already met. I also place a large emphasis on my family relationships, fitness, adventure racing & sports. At the same time I have high aspirations to provide for my kids education and never be a financial burden on anyone.
3: Explain how no longer treating these two things as separate parts will positively impact your life as well as the lives of those you love and lead.
A balanced, synergistic approach is crucial, especially if I can find a way to make my passions profitable. Then my work will help fuel my soul, and potentially provide a way for other members of my family to engage in passions with me.
1: Describe a time when going “Career First” inhibited your ability to care for your personal life.
I went to Medical School at age 37… ALL relationships suffered. I’m still trying to heal those wounds.
2: In your own words, describe why sacrificing “Career” objectives is more dangerous than sacrificing parts of your personal life.
There’s definitely a minimum amount of $$ required to maintain one’s dignity and enjoy living.
3: Explain how no longer treating these two things as separate parts will positively impact your life as well as the lives of those you love and lead.
Blending the two should lead to a higher level of performance in both categories.
1: Describe a time when going “Career First” inhibited your ability to care for your personal life.
– A time that “Career First” interfered with my caring for my persona life was when a position that I held at a prior employer required me to do the work of 2+ people, without the availability of any help or team to make it practical or sustainable.
2: In your own words, describe why sacrificing “Career” objectives is more dangerous than sacrificing parts of your personal life.
– Currently, “Career” is how I provide for my family and meet our baseline needs. Sacrificing it means that I would be unable to provide for my family now and in the future. Being unable to fulfill those obligations would then limit my ability to lead and inspire my family and model for them what a balanced, fulfilled life can look like.
3: Explain how no longer treating these two things as separate parts will positively impact your life as well as the lives of those you love and lead.
– Unifying these separate aspects of my life will allow me strike an optimized balance in all areas of my life, creating a positive feedback loop that provides the self sustaining time, inspiration, energy, and means to cover down on all aspects of who I was created to be and what I was created to do.
1: Describe a time when going “Career First” inhibited your ability to care for your personal life.
– Working for ETrade in the financial industry – I was working long hours, and focusing on so much knowledge-work and consulting, that my personal and home life fell into neglect. I often didn’t have the energy to show up at home, and was too tired to realize what was happening at home. In survival & “professional performance” mode
2: In your own words, describe why sacrificing “Career” objectives is more dangerous than sacrificing parts of your personal life.
– It’s more dangerous in the regard that if it effects your ability/results at earning money – then your family/personal survival and day-to-day living becomes massively effected.
– This then leads to further survival mode, and personal/family life suffers from you not being in a state of power to focus and effect progression in that area.
3: Explain how no longer treating these two things as separate parts will positively impact your life as well as the lives of those you love and lead.
– These two areas have to be focused on with a balanced approach. If you break one side – it breaks the other side.
– Conversely – if proper balanced focus on *both* sides happens, you can create synergy with success on each side, supporting and providing the conditions for big improvement on *each* side.